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Article about women looking for older men:
Where do I pick them up? I’m a nurse, but I probably shouldn’t do it at work. Recently in How to Do It.
I’m a mid-40s hetero man with—well, I’m not sure I’d go so far as to call it a fetish, more of a hankering. I’m attracted to older ladies. Older as in 60s, 70s, and sometimes beyond. I’m not especially looking for an older girlfriend, more along the lines of fun and friendly banging and general foolin’ around. From what I’ve found, the usual online suspect sites (rhymes with Cinder) aren’t great places for finding willing ladies of a certain age. I am a registered nurse, and I work in a hospital, but that isn’t, ahem, a particularly good or ethical place to play pick up. I happen to live in a rural-ish area that is demographically skewed toward an older population, and I know for a fact that people tend to be horny creatures regardless of age. Any suggestions on how I can go about hooking up with the Golden Girl (or Girls) of my dreams? Dear Golden Guy, Surely you have the capability to dig up dating apps and sites specifically tailored for so-called “cougars” and the people who love them? Your tastes lean older than typical for those sites, but it’s worth a shot. Other than that, go to where old people go. Try bingo. Or the library. A Denny’s at 4:30 p.m. Are there social clubs near you? A VFW, say? I wouldn’t recommend a senior center, because I don’t think you should be interloping but instead placing yourself in situations where you may meet someone who matches your taste. This will require laser-focused engagement on your part. It’s not going to be as easy as, say, if you were a queer man in a major metropolitan area so teeming with options that a wind tunnel could whisk willing men into your lap. Some of us have tougher burdens of desire than others. Them’s the breaks. I would be remiss if I didn’t at least comment on you mentioning your job as a nurse, which presumably puts you in close proximity of the demographic you crave. Wait around long enough and people will tell on themselves, it took you half a dozen sentences to do so. Your question would have been just as answerable without that information and my paranoid tendencies make me wonder if you included it as a fake out: “I’m not a creep! Look at me not creeping on these older women that I might otherwise be inclined to creep on! I’m telling you all of this precisely to show how not-creepy I am!” I don’t know, that’s slightly chafing my balls. Who knows what Jedi mind tricks you’re capable of? (And if that is what you’re doing, stay away from Yoda.) Anyway, I just want to, I guess, affirm you here by advising you to keep living by the idea that your hospital workplace isn’t a good or ethical place to pick up elderly sex partners, because you’re absolutely right. It damn sure isn’t. Dear How to Do It, I’m a 30-year-old man. During my life I’ve been occasionally attracted to men, but was more attracted to women, so to keep it simple, I’ve only dated women. I’ve now been in a serious relationship with a woman for three years, it’s going great, and recently I told her that I have sometimes been attracted to men, and she said that if I wanted to explore this, she was fine with it. I’ve become very intrigued with the idea, I’m just not sure how to proceed. I’m not totally sure what I’m looking for. At the moment, to start, I want to make out with a guy, and see where it goes from there, maybe more, maybe not. I’m not looking for another relationship, just a few flings. Is an app the right idea? I’m not sure about Tinder, I don’t want someone to think I’m looking for a relationship. And from what I’ve heard about Grindr, that doesn’t seem like the right idea, because guys would probably be expecting more than what I’m necessarily looking for (to start out at least). Is a gay bar the right idea? I live in Brooklyn, so there are options out there. I’d love to hear any advice on the best way to find partners who are interested in this specific situation. Dear Just a Kiss, I love that you’re ripening. You’re on the cusp of a new (yet familiar) kind of fun. You’re probably right about Tinder, though plenty of guys have used it for the same kind of casual encounters that other apps have a stronger reputation for facilitating. I disagree that the tried-and-true hook-up apps (Grindr, Scruff, et al.) are necessarily a bad idea, though. Firstly, labeling yourself as straight/curious on an app for men who have sex with men will likely get you a lot of interest, and more options mean the greater ability to find someone who will be into what you’re into. You can explain yourself, and most guys will pay attention. For better or worse, this sort of sexual threshold crossing remains fetishized among queer men (let’s save a political interrogation of this for another day), and I’m sure there are more than a few who would be open to exploring with you at your pace.
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