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Article about women looking for extramarital affairs
Learn about some of the risk factors and causes of infidelity and how they differ by sex. Why Do Married People Cheat? Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years.
She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book. Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by mental health professionals. Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Noel Hendrickson/Getty Images. Why do people cheat? A wide variety of factors can bring out some type of affair. A study of 495 people revealed eight key reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and circumstance. It's important to understand that these reasons arise within the cheater and are not the responsibility of the betrayed partner. Upwards of 40% of married couples are affected by infidelity. Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger, the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail. Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention given to a new baby and neither partner had the skill set to communicate these feelings. Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage — neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated — that interferes with their ability to maintain a committed relationship. Less often, the cheater doesn't value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn't care about the consequences. We will take a look at a number of risk factors and causes for cheating, but it's important to point out upfront that a partner doesn't cause their spouse to cheat. Whether it was a cry for help, an exit strategy, or a means to get revenge after being cheated on themselves, the cheater alone is responsible for cheating. Verywell / Jessica Olah. How Motivations Differ by Sex. Men are more likely to have affairs than women and are often seeking more sex or attention. Men express their love in a more physical way — they often don't have the perfect feeling words" for their wives. So sex becomes an important path to connection and intimacy. If men aren't sexually satisfied (for instance, if their spouse declines sex often), they take that rejection to heart, and it can easily translate to feeling "unloved." In fact, men are more likely than women to cheat due to a feeling of insecurity. When women cheat, they're often trying to fill an emotional void. Women frequently complain of disconnection from a spouse, and of the wish to be desired and cherished. Women are more likely to feel unappreciated or ignored, and seek the emotional intimacy of an extramarital relationship. An affair is more often a "transitional" partner for the woman as a way to end the relationship. She is seriously looking to leave her marriage and this other person helps her do just that. That's not to say that sexual satisfaction isn't a primary driver of affairs for wives as well as husbands. Similarly, boredom with the marital relationship may lead both men and women to cheat. In one study of men and women who were actively pursuing or involved in extramarital affairs, both genders said they were hoping to improve their sex lives—because they felt their primary relationship was lacking between the sheets. Causes and Risk Factors. There's a myriad of reasons or causes why men or women may engage in an extramarital liaison, but certain risk factors—either with one of the individuals or the marriage as a whole—increase the odds it will happen. Individual Risk Factors. The general rule is that it takes two to tango, or in this case, to mess up their marriage with an affair, but there are certainly exceptions. Individual factors that may increase the chance of infidelity include: Addiction : Substance abuse issues, whether it"s addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or something else, are clear risk factors. Alcohol, in particular, can reduce inhibitions so that a person who wouldn't consider having an affair when sober, may cross the line. Attachment style : Some attachment styles, such as attachment avoidance or attachment insecurity, as well as intimacy disorders have also been looked at in relationship to a propensity to cheat. Poor self-esteem and insecurity can also raise the risk of an affair as a way to prove worthiness. Childhood trauma : Having a history of childhood trauma (such as physical, sexual, or emotional abuse or neglect) is associated with a higher chance that a person will cheat (if he or she has not addressed the trauma and has unresolved issues). Exposure to infidelity in childhood : Previous experience with cheating can also increase the risk of infidelity. A 2015 review found that children who are exposed to a parent having an affair are twice as likely to have an affair themselves. Mental illness : Some mental illnesses, such as bipolar disorder are a risk factor for cheating in marriage. Previous cheating: The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is more than an old wives' tale. A 2017 study was the first to evaluate the credibility of this saying. In this study, those who were involved in an extramarital affair were three times more likely to repeat the behavior in their next relationship. Psychological issues : Narcissistic traits or personality disorders are associated with a greater likelihood of cheating. With narcissism, an affair may be driven by ego and a sense of entitlement. In addition to being self-centered, people with these disorders often lack empathy, so they don't appreciate the impact of their actions on their spouse. In a 2018 study looking at personality traits, women who ranked high in "neuroticism" and men who ranked higher in "narcissism" were more likely to cheat. Sex addiction : Certainly, sex addiction in one partner increases the chance that they will be unsatisfied with the physical aspect of their marriage and look elsewhere. Risk Factors Within a Relationship. Problems in the marital relationship can also be a risk factor for cheating.
Women looking for extramarital affairs
