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Article about rules for dating my son
They seemed surprised that I'd chosen to be single as a midlife woman. My eight rules for dating after you turn 60: FIONA LAMBERT reveals her ultimate guide to midlife romance - from what to put on your profile, the red flags to avoid and just when you should hop into bed. When I became single at 61, lots of people told me how ‘brave’ I was to take that step, particularly ‘at my age’.
They seemed surprised that I’d chosen to be single as a midlife woman but, in fact, I’ve found that dating in your 60s can be enormous fun. I was married to my ex-husband for 31 years. I loved him but having met when I was 23 and he was 26, we developed into different people with different interests and goals. We decided to part ways amicably, appreciating with huge gratitude what we had had together, particularly our son and daughter who are now grown up, but recognising that we wanted different futures. I’ve had many adventures in my career in retail – having launched George at Asda and held senior roles at major brands including Jaeger at M&S, Next, Dunelm and River Island – but I wanted some more in my personal life too. And I am not alone. Twenty-five per cent of divorces happen in couples over 50, with two-thirds of these initiated by women. We are living longer and don’t want to compromise on our happiness for the rest of our lives. But I’d be lying if I said that a part of me wasn’t absolutely terrified to re-enter the dating pool. My head was full of anxious questions: Would I be seen as too old to date? Which were the best dating apps for me? How could I sort the wheat from the chaff? Fiona Lambert was full of anxious questions before she re-entered the world of dating. It sounds like a minefield, right? Boy, how different the world of dating was from when I met my former husband in the mid-eighties. But never one to shy away from a challenge, I decided to plunge straight in and road-test the online dating experience on behalf of my fellow newly-divorced midlifers. I’ve done the hard work, so you don’t have to. In the interests of research, I’ve spent the last year trying all the apps – from the dreaded Tinder to warmer Bumble to the app for the affluent, Millionaire Match – and going on a variety of dates. I met over-enthusiastic toy boys, sleek silver foxes and 46-year-olds who still lived with their mum. At the moment, I’m still single, and very happy. Whether I end up in a relationship or not, what I’ve discovered is that 40, 50, 60 or 70 is no barrier to getting back on the dating scene. Here I reveal what it’s really like being a single woman in her 60s and give my ultimate guide to modern midlife dating – from what to put on your dating profile, to the new lingo to learn and the red flags to run a mile from. SHOULD YOU LIE ABOUT YOUR AGE? I was told by lots of friends to lie about my age because many men see 60 as a ceiling they won’t go beyond. ‘You don’t look your age, after all,’ friends insisted. On my first dating app profile, I followed their advice and told a white lie and said I was 55, six years younger. When I went on dates, though, I quickly revealed my real age, not wanting to lie in person, and it made no difference to the men. I felt so much better being honest and so I corrected my age on the app. Putting her real age on her dating profile – after being advised to lie about it by friends – made no difference in the quality of men Fiona matched with. It made no difference to the quality of men who matched with me. As for the age I wanted to meet, I started off setting my filters to 47 to 58. For me, older men tend to have lost a certain vitality and enthusiasm for life, whereas men in their 40s and 50s still very much retain those things. What I wasn’t expecting was to find so many men in their mid-20s lying on the apps about their ages – saying, for example, they were late 40s – so that the algorithm paired them with older women. Ten times in my year-long experiment I was matched with men younger than my 29-year-old son – a fact I only learned when we started to chat. Either they would quickly confess or my gut instinct would prompt me to ask their age directly (it can be hard to tell age from photos, either because they’re blurry or use filters). Older women, it turns out, are highly attractive to some younger men, though I don’t want to date in that much younger age bracket. PROFILE DOS AND DON’TS. Show yourself smiling Include one full length photo Don’t use filters Make sure they’re solo shots Use recent photos. You’d be amazed how many pictures of men feature fish, bikes, motorbikes, heart memes (yes, really) and mates with beers. Few of these ever got anywhere near a date with me. Other intriguing gambits in male profiles include cropped photos that show only a torso. Watch out, as these faceless men are more often than not married. Some are upfront about it in their bios (‘to be clear, I am not single’), which at least has the virtue of honesty. I did once connect with a married man – I didn’t know when I swiped on him – and when it became clear in our chat, I asked if his wife knew what he was doing. ‘Nooo. She’d kill me,’ he said. I swiftly shut that chat down… The best dating app for midlifers? How it works : Women initiate the conversation, reducing unwanted messages and making you feel more in control. Pros : Bumble seems to attract a higher percentage of men looking for more meaningful connections. The overall quality of matches seems to be higher compared to other apps. It was the app I had the most success on. Cons : Bumble has a 24-hour time limit for initiating conversations after which your match disappears. If you’re time-pressured and busy this may be an issue. How it works : This is the app where you ‘swipe right’ to match with people. It has a reputation for more casual hook-ups but actually the preferences settings mean you can opt for men with more long-term intentions. Pros : Tinder’s popularity means it has lots of potential matches from across the globe. Cons : Having said that, out of the 3,500 men who liked me, when I narrowed it down by distance to find people.
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