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Article about how to tell your parents your dating an older guy:
Talking to Indian parents about love and marriage is different than it is in other cultures. You don’t simply approach
How to Talk to Indian Parents about Marrying Someone From a Different Culture. Talking to Indian parents about love and marriage is different than it is in other cultures.
You don’t simply approach your parents and tell them you’ve fallen for the love of your life and the love of your life is…white or Asian or Latino. The way to put your life in further jeopardy is to claim your undying love for your long-term American beau, insist you’ve made up your mind and boldly proclaim that you will marry only this man of your dreams! If you’ve fallen in love with someone from a culture outside of your Indian, Pakistani, Bangladeshi or South Asian family, your relatives will quickly respond. This response will likely range from complete silence to utter anger and disgust. Many Indian parents will be in complete shock about your decision and your declaration of love. Indian people do not believe in marrying for love. Also, they do not believe in marrying non-Indian people. So, if you’re Indian and you must break the news to your non-Indian parents that you’re marrying an American or westerner, fasten your seat belt and prepare for the passive-aggressive journey you’re about to begin. Get ready for the emotional and psychological battles that are about to ensue. If you have fallen for an American guy or girl, here is what you must know about how to break the news to your parents. Getting your parents’ approval will be an uphill battle. Here is what you should keep in mind when preparing for the lengthy battle ahead. Despite the odds, stay optimistic and follow this strategy to get your Indian parents to accept your boyfriend of girlfriend from a different culture. A 16-point plan to talk to your parents and get them to accept your non-Indian boyfriend of girlfriend follows. 1. Break the news slowly and over several conversations to help your parents deal with it . This might be the most devastating news they hear in their lives, so understand that they need some time to process it. Give them a few details at a time, limit your revelations when you first break the news to them. 2. Prime them for the conversation . Slowly introduce the topic of your getting serious with someone else or marrying someone who is non-Indian. Do not speak assertively or with certainty. Bring it up as a concept first, introduce the idea as if you are contemplating it with them. See how much they push back each time. If the situation quickly gets hot and intense, change topics and bring it up another day. 3. Do not react as emotionally as your parents do . These initial conversations will likely be intense and hard for your parents, and they will likely say hurtful things. Be aware of what’s coming up. Do not use this time to fight back with the same negativity or insults. 4. In the first conversation, do not die for love . This means do not say this relationship is “do or die.” Do not say you’re going to die for love: “It’s this man or woman or no one else.” Do not make bold and outlandish statements about your love for this person. Do not come across as a lovesick puppy or withering Romeo who will put his life on the line for this non-Indian woman. Tone down your declarations of love and keep things fluid. Take the attitude that anything can happen in life. This marriage may or may not be in your future. Give your parents some time to take it all in and cope. 5. Listen intently to what your parents say . Without a doubt, your parents will have much to say. Instead of coming up with defenses against each response they make, hear them out. Spend more time listening instead of convincing. By speaking, your parents are processing. By listening, you are gathering information. 6. Use every argument as a means of collecting strategic information . Take notes if you must. One day, you can use everything your parents say. They may sound angry and disappointed but they are essentially scared, so use the first few conversations to fully understand where they are coming from and what their fears are. Gather strategic information so you can formulate a plan of attack with your partner! 7. Be on a fact-finding mission to discover what each of your parents is worried about . Each parent will speak a different language and use different words to tell you what lies behind his or her fears. Like a reporter, collect as much information as you can. Then spend the next few months formulating a strategy for convincing them. Reporters don’t yell back or challenge their subjects. They give their interview subjects plenty of time to relax and vent their true feelings and fears. 8. Treat each parent as an individual . Speak to each parent separately. Each will have his or her own quirks, opinions and fears. The more you can divide them and have separate conversations with them, the better your chance of understanding what each one fears. 9. Make strides to address each of their concerns . Over the coming weeks and months, you will know what to focus on. If they are afraid of religious or food incompatibility, make the case to them.
How to tell your parents your dating an older guy
