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5 Therapist Tips for Men Who Basically Have No Close Friends. Building deep friendships isn’t easy for anyone, but when you’re a cisgender, heterosexual man, getting emotionally close to a friend might seem especially tricky. If you can relate, welcome to the club.
Many of us struggle to create compassionate, vulnerable friendships—especially with other dudes. You should know this isn’t a personal failure though. In reality, the scarcity of close friendships among guys is likely a result of subscribing to a culture that's historically valued stoicism and individualism in men, says psychologist Henry Ortiz, PsyD. Want the mental health tips therapists swear by? Get our newsletter! By subscribing to our email newsletter, you agree to and acknowledge that you have read our Privacy Policy and Terms and Conditions. Until very recently, pop culture portrayed the ideal cis straight man as a glorified loner who stifles emotions. He’s a provider who pulls himself up by his bootstraps and would never admit he cares for others or wants their attention. He’s a dude who prefers to get rowdy, watch sports, and brag about dominating others at work and in bed. Even if you don’t buy into that brand of toxic masculinity and know that close, platonic relationships would benefit your life, you might worry that trying to connect with other men on a deeper level sets you up to be made fun of. Oftentimes, other men are afraid to admit they want this kind of support too, says psychotherapist and life coach Corey Yeager, PhD. Many of us have been trained through our interactions with peers (“you’re too sensitive”) to keep things surface-level with other guys. It can feel a lot safer than breaking social norms. So we end up sticking to the status quo: We pretend everything is fine or focus on general life updates, sports, and great movies in social situations. And we don’t leave much room for conversations that start with, My family is exhausting me," or "My boss is toxic.” But having supportive buds improves our lives and makes us feel good. “We're social animals,” Dr. Ortiz says. “Relationships give us a sense of belonging.” If you’re open and honest about what’s going on in your life, a close friend can serve as the first line of defense when you’re struggling, Dr. Yeager says. They allow you to release some of the anxiety or other uncomfy emotions caused by your everyday struggles, he adds. If you’re up for fostering deep friendships, here are five therapist-backed tips for building a stronger inner circle and challenging the cultural norm around male friendships. 1. Sift through your existing friendships. Even though you may feel alone, odds are you’ve got at least a few friends who’d be willing to go deeper with you. To find them, you’ll need to do a quick audit to get a sense of who you’ve outgrown (your high school mutual friend), who might be better as a surface-level connection (your new work buddy), and who has close friend potential. Most Popular Stories. 25 Books That Actually Changed People’s Lives The Let Them Theory Is the Secret to Giving Less F*cks in 2025 “Back to Bed Syndrome” Is the Reason Why You Want to Give Up Halfway Through the Day. Fact is, you can’t have a deep friendship with everyone in your life—and acquaintances are still important. But if you have at least one guy in your life you can trust and share intimate details with, that’s your sign he could become a closer friend, Dr. Yeager adds. To kick off your audit, think about each person and whether your values and interests align. Do their problematic social media posts make you cringe? Do they make you feel insecure? Do you feel like you don’t have much in common? Those are signs this friendship isn’t a great place for growth, explains Dr. Ortiz. The people you could get closer to are the ones who inspire you to be better. They might be the guys who already know intimate details about your past, who have overcome similar struggles, or who share similar dreams. Overall, the goal is to find a healthy mix of acquaintances, surface-level pals, and close friends to bring balance to your life and help you feel more connected and less lonely. 2. Create opportunities to broaden your circle. If you need to go out and make new friends from scratch, put yourself in settings that will prompt interactions with people who hold whatever traits you respect and value. It can be at the library if you want a crew that’s well-read, a social club if you want them to be outgoing, an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting if you want them to live a sober lifestyle, or a volunteer program if you want them to be empathetic. You could also hit up the gym, a professional meetup, a concert, or a game. At the end of the day, many of us are more isolated than we care to admit, so let that give you confidence to spread your wings. It may be uncomfortable to strike up conversations with people you don’t know, but it all starts with asking someone how they’re doing, Dr. Yeager says. If the chit-chat is flowing with another dude, throw out an invite to chill down the line, saying, “Man, I’d love to hear more about your work.” You could even ask, “Down to catch the next game together? or “Wanna keep talking over some pizza?” It’s not wildly different from dating, but admitting you want to hang out again takes courage, especially in a society that tells men they aren’t supposed to seek platonic companionship, Dr. Yeager says. So give yourself some grace if you’re nervous, feel ashamed, or even strike out a few times. 3. Cultivate the friendship you want. When you aren’t used to being so open and don’t know how someone will react, try to embrace vulnerability and let the good dudes know you appreciate them and want to spend more time with them, Dr. Ortiz says. By doing that, you’re basically exemplifying the kind of friend you’d like them to be in return. From there, see who responds in a positive way and who doesn’t. That’ll enable you to foster the friendships with the most potential. Try texting someone, asking, “What’s up? Anything decent going on this weekend?” which tells them that you’re thinking about them even if they didn’t expect you to.
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