Hello, Guest!
Article about how to get friends in real life
Some advice if you feel lonely (from somebody who cares). 10 Principles that helped me
How to make friends in real life, some tips that will really help (long, but hopefully it helps someone). Some advice if you feel lonely (from somebody who cares).
10 Principles that helped me develop many meaningful friendships. (long but hopefully it helps somebody). **Please don't just read the bullet-points, if you are actually struggling with this, I believe it is definitely worth 5 minutes of your time to read all of this** First of all, for those of you that know me, you know that I sincerely care about people. In my time here on Reddit, I've noticed that many people feel very lonely. I've spent the last few years reaching out to people in this situation. **I used to be very lonely but I figured out some things that have really helped me.** My message is to those of you who feel very lonely and feel that you have few or no friends (please take it with a grain of salt and know that my advice comes from a good place.). This lengthy post is a mixture of my unique insight, books and articles I have read, trial and error, and advice I have received throughout the years. Disclaimer: I'm not even going to pretend to know why you might be lonely. It might be because of your poor choices, other peoples choices, social issues, political climates, economic reasons, a tough marriage, or even mental illness. However, over the years, I have had some great success finding and making meaningful friendships and relationships throughout life and wanted to offer some advice for those of you who feel lonely. 1.) **You have value that you can add to a friendship**: You have something to offer others. Even if you are, socially awkward individual or you have burned a lot of bridges" or struggle with "personal issues", **you have (or at the minimum can develop) redeeming qualities that can benefit another person's life.** Almost, everyone, at a minimum, can offer a listening ear to someone else. **So many people believe that they themselves are "garbage"** and "why would anybody want to be friends with me." Here is the secret, since so many people believe that they are "worthless" but are at the same time lonely, by the laws of simple mathematics, this means that there are plenty of people that actually need you (for example, that “somebody else” that thinks these same things about themself could use you as a friend). Believing that you have value to add is the start of confidence that can give you courage to make friends. If you can't find this confidence, fake it. 2.) **You must be the initiator, at least at first** Let me be frank. Initially, people are not going to be "calling you" to do something with them. **You'll have to get over this if you want friends and meaningful relationships** Truthfully, very few people have the courage, will-power, confidence, and energy to initiate a new social friendship. Like yourself, others are afraid of rejection, afraid of bothering you or struggle to find the creativity to do stuff. This is not a "sign" that the whole world has rejected you, it is a sign that other people struggle in a similar way as you. What I found out when I first start "initiating" social connections is that many many people were sitting around waiting for somebody to invite "them" to do something. Far too often, people are under the belief that "if people don't call you" they don't want to do something with you. Isn't it possible, that like you, they are waiting for you to call them? **I know what you might be thinking, "but if I'm always the one that has to call others to do stuff, doesn't that mean that they don't really care about me?** Wouldn’t they reciprocate this if they really did like me as a friend." The answer to this is much more complicated. True, some people may be "secretly resenting your invitations and only hanging out with you due to obligation." However, what I have found, is that so many other people are lonely and just so grateful that someone was thinking about them (even if they couldn't make it). Bottom line, even if people only go out with you only when you initiate, don't over-analyze this. Most people don't have the strength to initiate. If you really want to know if they are just "going along out of obligation,", ask them kindly but directly after a number of social interactions. If they say they are no longer interested in your friendship, move on to somebody more worthy of your time. Some tips when being the “initiator” A.) **Have a specific plan in place:** It is weird if you just ask “want to hang out sometime.” Much better to say “Hey, I’m trying to get a group of guys/girls together to go and see the new “fill in the blank” movie this Friday, you interested? If they say no-thanks, it is okay to ask “would you be interested in being invited the next time a group of us get together?” This is a casual way to probe if they are ever interested in hanging out. B.) **IT is best to do the first few activities as a group** This may help them know that you are interested in friendship, and not that you are trying to date them. If you are trying to date them, you will have to look for love advice elsewhere, this post is about making friends. It may blossom into romance, but don't make this your primary goal. If they ask you “who else is coming” you can float some names and ask them “who else do you think we should invite?" C.) If everyone rejects you, don’t feel bad about going by yourself alone to the event you talked about. This might sound crazy but it can help with future conversations with these folks. They may ask you “how was that movie” replying with “I didn’t go because nobody wanted to come with me” is going to sound pathetic. However, replying “it was awesome, you should come next time” might get the ball rolling in the right direction. Also, you could try meeting people at the event. It might sound weird, but if really like this kind of event, other people that show up will like the same thing (which means you could start a friendship on a shared interest). This is called “putting yourself out there” and it is important. I know this works from personal experience… plus , you don’t need to have people go with you at a place to have a good time. It is good practice time to learn how to be happy with yourself in “real world settings.” 3.) **You will be rejected, and that is okay, use this as a teaching opportunity but don't over analyze.** Not every personality clicks.
How to get friends irl
How to get friends in real life
How to get more friends in real life
How to make more friends in real life
How to make friends in the real world
