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23 Ways Single People Are Better: The Scientific Evidence. A lot of research shows that single life is superior. What Is Resilience?

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Take our Resilience Test Find a therapist near me. A few months ago, a reporter asked me if I kept a list of scientifically-documented ways in which it is better to be single than married. I could not believe that my answer was no. I have been so busy being defensive—arguing again and again that no, getting married will not make you happier, and it will not make you healthier, and it will not make you live longer, and it will not doom your kids, and it will not make your social networks blossom—that it never occurred to me that I should be systematically making the more proactive case. There are ways, grounded in research, that single people do better than married people. In response to the reporter’s question, I told her what I could think of offhand, and she wrote this story , which had been nicely timed for Valentine’s Day. (The reporter, by the way, was Lauren F. Friedman, who used to be an editor here at Psychology Today .) Ever since, I have been working on my own list. It is not yet complete (and will continue to be a work in progress), so please do let me know what I’ve missed. (My usual caveat: Some studies compare people of different marital or relationship statuses at just one point in time. As I have often explained, the results of such studies are open to different interpretations. True experiments are impossible since people can’t be randomly assigned to get married or stay single, but longitudinal studies, in which the same people are followed over time, are better than the studies comparing people at just one point in time.) Single People Are Healthier. #1 People who have always been single exercise more than married people do. Divorced people exercise more than married people, too, but not as much as the people who have always been single. #2 Among wounded warriors, the ones who have always been single are the most resilient. The RAND Corporation has been studying members of the military who have been wounded since 9/11. Compared to those who were married or divorced, the warriors who had always been single were least likely to have symptoms suggesting PTSD, most successful at bouncing back from injury or illness or hardship, least likely to be depressed, least likely to be obese, and least likely to have emotional or physical health problems that interfered with their work or other regular activities. #3 Women who get married get fatter. CDC data suggests that the same may be true for men (pp. 43-46 of Singled Out ), though their study was based on just one point in time. #4 Always-single men are less likely than men of any other marital status to experience heart disease. Results are from an 8-year study of heart disease in mid-life, based on a representative sample of Americans. The always-single women looked good, too, but the results were particularly striking for the men. (Check this out, too.) #5 Women who have always been single have better overall health than currently married women. They also have fewer days in bed because of disabilities and fewer doctors’ visits. Results were from the National Health Interview Study (of women only). #6 Women who have always been single are healthier than men who are currently married. That’s from the most recent year analyzed of a study that has been ongoing for decades. #7 All those ED ads? They’re for you, married men. From p. 54 of Singled Out : “With regard to some of the problems men might have, such as an inability to maintain an erection, climaxing too early, or experiencing pain during sex, currently married men have nothing over men who have always been single. When the two groups differ on those measures, it is the married men who are more likely to be having difficulties.” (Also check out: “Getting married and getting sex (or not)” and “Sex and the single person.”) What Is Resilience? Take our Resilience Test Find a therapist near me. Single People Are Keeping Friends, Siblings, Parents, and Communities Together. #8 People who get married become less connected to their friends and their parents than they were when they were single. That’s not just a newlywed effect – it continues for as many years into the marriage as researchers have studied. #10 Single people are more likely than married ones to keep siblings together in their adult lives. Follow people over time, and the ones who get married have less contact with their siblings than they did when they were single. If they get divorced, though, they will start connecting with their siblings more than they did when they were married.

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